A Hogwarts Tenure Letter

Would Professor McGonagall get tenure at Hogwarts? If you’re familiar with the Harry Potter series and you’ve heard about the tenure travails of academia, there’s a hilarious excellent article in McSweeney’s this week: “Minerva McGonagall’s Letter to the Tenure Committee”.

Read the article! The rest of this blog post can wait.

Unlike McGonagall, I’m just a chemist with no ability to transfigure myself or any other object. I can transform one chemical substance into another in lab. But as a computational chemist, I don’t handle actual chemicals often, unless I’m teaching an introductory chemistry lab course. Even then, it’s mainly supervisory work to ensure students use good technique and aren’t endangering themselves.

Come to think of it, you don’t see Professor Snape handle potions ingredients either. In Potions class, he supervises the students, commenting sneeringly on the techniques of Gryffindor students. (I hope I’m not a sneering instructor.) In the books, Snape’s potion-making is usually in secret – wolfsbane for Lupin, something to slow down the poison in Dumbledore, and a series of potions (with a riddle) to protect the philosopher’s (sorcerer’s) stone. I don’t make any medications or antidotes for my colleagues; I don’t even brew beer as some of my fellow chemists might. Professor Slughorn, on the other hand, has at least on one occasion made potions for his class. I have performed a number of experimental demos in class, so maybe that counts.

Like McGonagall, I have served on many committees, although my service ramped up significantly post-tenure. I have functioned in some of the roles that McGonagall claims, although certainly not all, and not simultaneously. I haven’t had to battle Death Eaters or support a student rebellion, thankfully. But I have lived on campus as resident faculty, experiencing its highs and lows. I didn’t have to deal with magical creatures, but I did have to get involved when a few students attempted to hide an illegal pet in my residence hall. Thankfully, I did not have to get involved in disciplinary procedures.

Teaching is what I love, and I think it’s what I do best. McGonagall is a no-nonsense yet clearly devoted teacher looking to the betterment of her students. I think she successfully makes the case for her teaching portfolio. On the research front however, she hasn’t published any papers, being way too busy with other duties. Nowadays, as institutions battle for name-recognition, research productivity has become increasingly important; and in some institutions, it overshadows all other aspects. I think this is unfortunate.

But perhaps tenure requirements at Hogwarts should not be compared to our tertiary institutions. The Hogwarts seven-year model is based on a British system which would roughly translate to the U.S. version of middle school, high school and pre-university. Tenure at such a school is usually earned after being a teacher for a three to four-year probationary period. Assessment on tenure is based on teaching, not research. So perhaps McGonagall shouldn’t have to discuss her research productivity or lack thereof.

How is teaching evaluated at Hogwarts? Except for the short reign of Dolores Umbridge, where teachers were observed and evaluated, there isn’t any mention of how teaching effectiveness is assessed. McGonagall’s letter cites ‘active learning’, and many of the Hogwarts classes seem to have strong practical/lab components; one unfortunate exception is History of Magic.

Could I get tenure at Hogwarts? Being non-magical, I highly doubt it. Even though my students might liken computational chemistry to a magical box that spits out numbers allowing you to interpret (or mis-interpret) all sorts of chemistry. Not to mention, my skills in wet lab as a mixer of chemicals is highly questionable. Potions-master, definitely not. Although I did invent a potion once for one of my classes. I’d like to think I have theoretical ideas about magic and perhaps I could teach a Magical Theory course, or write a potions textbook, but no schools of magic have come knocking. Oh, well. I can stick to what I’m good at, and thankfully I already have tenure.