Bumbling in Research

Learning some completely-new-to-me research methodology has been an interesting experience thus far. I would say that I’m bumbling along with the attendant feeling of being unsure of what I’m doing. I’d like to think that in computational research, bumbling around is part of the learning experience. It’s certainly the feeling I had when I first started undergraduate research. I had the same feeling when I started my first graduate school research project, and then again at the beginning of my postdoc. It didn’t bother me then, possibly because I was young, idealistic and quite willing to challenge myself to learn some new things. It’s been a while since I’ve had that experience, but I’m having it now.

While it’s frustrating to feel like a bumbling fumbler, I’m thankful for the experience because it reminds me how undergraduates feel when joining my research lab for the first time. Students almost always have no background in Linux or using command line text-editors, and certainly have not learned how to use the computational chemistry programs that are the bread-and-butter of my research projects. My students begin with sequenced tutorials and I slowly walk them through the nuts and bolts of how to start running calculations. I tell them that they will feel like bumbling fumblers, and that this is a completely normal experience. Midway through the semester they will realize they have become more proficient, and the number of errors they make will (hopefully) reduce steadily. Of course, telling them this means that while I intellectually understand what they will go through, I don’t actually experience the same feelings of confusion.

Except now I’m going through that bumbling experience, and it’s a good thing, even if it doesn’t feel as good right now. Thankfully I have a sabbatical to fumble my way through. This allows me to be in a relaxed frame of mind so the bumbling experience is much less stressful. I can take frequent breaks whenever I hit a wall, and work on something else that helps me feel more productive. When I feel ready, I can switch back to learning and bumbling along. Since I will not be tested on what I’m learning and there are no deadlines, you could say that my motivation for learning is completely intrinsic. (As a full professor, I don’t feel external pressure to be highly research productive; although my average publication rate remains unchanged since I was promoted.)

Another thing that helps me stay motivated is that learning this new-to-me research methodology might lead to a new approach to tackling a thorny and unsolved question in origin-of-life research: How did metabolism arise? Essentially, I’m focusing on the chemistry of proto-metabolic systems. Not much is known about this area and my hope is to marry the new-to-me methodology with old-hat-to-me methodology in a novel/creative way to tackle the problem. Much of my career has been spent working on projects that I’m fairly sure are going to be successful. (Not everything works, but much does.) That’s a safe way to keep publishing scientific articles, something that gets scrutinized when promotion-time comes around. Low-risk projects are also very suitable for undergraduates who have no research experience in my field; they help build student confidence and there’s less bumbling. On the other hand, more ‘open’ blue-sky or high-risk high-payoff projects tend to be less suitable for undergraduate research.

Maybe I’m telling myself all of this to stay motivated when I feel confused and less productive. It seems to be working: the motivation, not the project I’m working on – at least, not yet. Or maybe I’m building self-efficacy rather than motivation. In any case, I keep bumbling along.

P.S. In the meantime, I’m beefing up my new language learning while on sabbatical far from home, and it’s been easier this second time around!